Today I write wearing my Dad hat. It doesn't seem to fit to well anymore. The internal debate is deciding whether that hat has shrunk or my head grew! I've been dealing with Teen Ambivalence for a couple years now. I knew it would come. There are even age-old Biblical passages expressing the understanding that it will happen. Clearly, there are different degrees of Parent-Teen Ambivalence and I think many effected handle it in there own way. My experience is minor but harshly impactful. While I don't have the answers to overcome this dilemma, I have my reasoning and rationale. My first thought, my Teenager is finding herself. Surely, to some degree I'm confident this is the case.
We should try to teach them right from wrong. This I firmly believe is our goal as a Parent. I always tried to be Authoritative in that pursuit. By this I mean, I put a lot of thought into not using the phrase, "Because I said so". When I shared my views and insights, with the authority of a Parent. I tried to offer an explanation and guide my Child with reasoning. "Don't do that," because of, "This".
I hinge on the thought that life is harder today, as a teen, than when I was that age. Social Media and the cultural aspect of Kennedy's School System contrasts logic. Kids with little experience in life are raising one another without the wisdom garnered from Trial and Error. That wisdom should be taught by the parents. But the fact of the matter is, with mobile devices and the Internet, Children are more connected with individuals that lack the ability to teach from wisdom for a greater length of time.
Because I work hard at practicing minimalism, I tried planting the seeds of conservatism in my child. It's sad because society evokes a powerful pounding force driving the youth in the other direction. There's no money to be made teaching people to hold on to a dollar. The money isn't made teaching a Teen that every dollar spent should be looked at as a vote for a necessity. No, money is made trying to get that dollar from the individual and it is those dollars earned that support advertising.
Exposure to advertising today is overwhelming, stressful and influential. It's not turned off with the TV or after we pass a billboard on the highway, as it was years ago. It's everywhere we go, everywhere we read, everywhere we interact. In self reflection, maybe this was a strong driver to my Daughter's ambivalence. Ambivalence is something I see more in the future and I must accept it quietly and peacefully.
I don't have the answers to correct the issue of teen ambivalence. I see it as a growing concern. Are youth are growingly less happy, stressed, and isolating themselves from the natural world. I wholeheartedly believe overcoming the ambivalence is something the child has to come to terms with themselves. I believe parents must stick to their understanding and guidance of what is right and wrong.
Parents know from experience what causes hardship, lost friendships, and distant family. What I have seen early in my life, those that chase material happiness are in fact the most miserable. A façade, a fake façade, is what material happiness provides. How many people have come to me looking for financial help, driving a fancy car, living in a big house, and dressed in designer fashions? I can't remember, but they're the hardest fallers. It hurts when you cannot support that luxurious lifestyle of the Rich and Famous and parting with Trinkets of fake happiness.
I don't have the answer to correct my teen ambivalence because the cause of the distance can be rooted in many aspects of a teens life. It could be from dating, outward appearance of the simple and plain conservative parent, or the continuous explanations of why they shouldn't do something they think is cool. The constant explanations of why it's important to save money and how they're going to need it in the future. At some point the Parent becomes the antagonist of stress from peer pressure. The Mirror or the Glass Pane?
I'm not sure what causes Teen Ambivalence but I reflect often on a visit from the State. It was an investigation of, "Abuse", which was deemed unfounded. The questions were very petty, and the investigator forewarned me they were-so. "Do you not let her listen to the music she wants to listen to," and my favorite, "Do you not let her wear the clothes she wants to wear?"! The questions reinforce my thoughts on societal pressure.
I do not know how to overcome Teen Ambivalence because I haven't done so yet. I have heard a lot of criticism and opinion ranging from, "It's normal, don't take it personal," to the heavy statement of, "I would not accept it and insist on seeing them". Ironically the most valued glimmer of wisdom came from my significant other, "I can't get a grip on why and don't know what to say". It is difficult and concerning. I know I'm not the only one experiencing this dilemma of parenting. I hope the values I laid down earlier are a good guide and resonate in her thoughts, going forward in life. I hope she has a good life regardless. Safe, secure, and accepting. I know and believe I tried to guide my child, I know I'm not alone, and I know this will pass with time.
The scripture of Luke offers a passage of Wisdom in the Prodigal Son. I have come to cope with this Parenting Dilemma with an understanding that I may be experiencing the Prodigal Daughter!
