It seems common for Men to holdback their emotions. I clearly fit in that generalization. It was the witnessing of accomplishment that evoked a lot of pride. I was proud of my Daughter! Watching the entire ceremony was quite thought provoking and rallied my mind to reminisce key moments of her Childhood and the experience of rearing a child.
It was the beginning of the Ceremony where I felt out of place. I was alone because of circumstances surrounding the limited number of attendees permitted. My thoughts surrounded an old written-work I had read. It was written by a Father when D.N.A. testing was becoming common. He secretly sent for results on his Children's D.N.A. and learned his youngest was not his. There he sat watching him play Baseball in a Season Finale game. He felt extremely disconnected because he now knew, genetically, the boy was not his. He was deeply conflicted because he was the Child's Father. He felt more isolated because of what it spelled out. He told nobody. He didn't even tell his Wife. Clearly, I was not in the same situation. I am aware my Daughter is, indeed, mine. But it was the feeling of isolation that caused that writing to surface in my thoughts.
A large lesson was learned from the first time I bought a new Car. The lesson was told to me many times. I read it in, Your Money or Your Life by Vicki Robin, with a powerful visit to, "How". It is quite simply, all that we acquire becomes heavy. It is what we own that becomes a burden demanding our attention and entangling us in responsibility. It was echoed here but in a different way. For it was not myself or direct experience but the realization that someone I loved was lifting out from the lack of self reliance. She recently obtained a Car I had given to her. I thought of it then, how she was going to experience the burden of having, "Things". But realizing she was standing at the pivotal threshold of what leads to where I am now. It's quite hard to express my thoughts. But she is, by Societies Standards, now an adult. She is entering the next stage of her life.
Where will this lead? Parenting seems to continually bring-on new lessons that I wish I knew. One thing for sure, I realize again that my Parent's were ahead of me and now I am ahead of her. I guess it's quite contorted as our gender opens varying experiences. It is the same on a societal level, though. I am excited for her and believe she will do fantastic!
